I read an article once about "Five Things to Do if You Want a Happy Marriage." Good, solid legalism! Then I thought of five truths to BELIEVE if you want a happy marriage. Let's look at "Seven Memorable Marriages" in the Bible, each of which will give us a punch-line truth that is the basis of happiness in marriage.
Adam and Eve
Of course, #1 has to be the marriage of Adam and Eve. How
happy they were the Bible doesn't say, but for sure they were
together far longer than any of us, and they never divorced. In each
of these memorable marriages I find some key principle which, if you
will believe it, can bring healing and stability to your marriage. I
find that key principle in Gen 2:22 where we read that "the Lord God
. . . brought [Eve] unto Adam."
Now, I am not being fanatical: I am not saying that you
should lie down and go to sleep and then the Lord will--presto--bring
you a beautiful wife all ready to be yours. No, the common-sense idea
is that you ask for, you wait for, you trust, you appreciate, the
Lord's leading the two of you together. And Jesus comments on Adam
and Eve when he says, "What therefore God hath joined together, let
not man put asunder" (Matt. 19:6). The glue that will hold a married
couple together is not their exercise of strong will power, to clinch
their fists and grit their teeth and say "I will be true no matter
how horrible this is!" No, the glue is their conviction, their faith,
that "God hath joined [them] together," that "the Lord God
brought [them]" together.
Of course, as a part of that confidence is the faith that
not only does God exist, but "He is a rewarder of those that
diligently seek Him" (Heb 11:6). You must believe that He is a loving
heavenly Father who has in mind above all else your true happiness;
and in His infinite wisdom He sees and knows that your true happiness
lies with your being faithful to the "wife [husband] of thy
youth" (Mal. 2:14). Such faith can work miracles and can even
transform what the devil makes you think is purgatory into happy
matrimony.
Abraham and Sarah
Memorable marriage #2 has to be that of Abraham and Sarah
in the Book of Genesis. God called Abraham to be our example in
faith--he was to be "the father of the faithful." And his wife was to
share that honor of prestige in faith. Their marriage was to result
in seven grand blessings for the world, most of all, that "in thee
shall all families [homes, marriages] of the earth be blessed
[made happy]" (12:2, 3).
But their own happiness turned out to be a long time
coming. So long, in fact, that both husband and wife thought the only
way they'd find it was to break their marriage vows--that is, to let
a third party in on their marriage. In that marriage of Abraham and
Sarah you have all the elements that make for alienation and divorce
as we know it today: (a) disappointment with the marriage and with
each other; (b) a wife who is bitter and alienated and angry with God
(read Gen 16:2); (c) a husband who is all too ready to grab the
excuse to find some happiness in the "other woman" (read vs. 4, how
he "went in" to Hagar, the comely younger woman). But the happiness
and personal fulfillment still didn't come. In fact, read the story
and you'll find they waited 25 years before they could realize the
married happiness they had been wanting and felt that God had
promised them.
Then the blessing finally came with the birth of Isaac,
just in time to save them from the bitterness that old-age marriage
failure always brings: (1) Abraham humbly repented of his sin--which
was more than mere lust; his sin was the darker one of unbelief
(faith makes it impossible to yield to the temptations of lust); (2)
Sarah repented of her anger against God because Heb 11:11 says that
"through faith Sarah received strength [finally!] to
conceive." The punch line of truth in this memorable marriage is:
BELIEVE the promise that God gave you of happiness in your marriage,
and that believing will give you endurance and a rich reward that
indulgence with a third party could never bring you.
Isaac and Rebekah
If you're married, this story is beautiful to think about
again; if you're not married, it will do your soul good to consider
how the God of heaven brought Isaac and Rebekah together for what was
the happiest marriage we read about in the Bible, memorable marriage
#3.
The fantastic story is in Genesis 24. In vs. 3 we find
the guiding principle--Isaac purposed not to marry someone who is an
unbeliever. In verse 7 we find the principle truth to believe--the
Lord sends His angel on ahead to guide the choice to the right girl
for Isaac, and to reveal who she is. Verse 8 makes clear that this is
not Calvinist predestination, for God never forces two people to
marry against their own free will. Verses 10-14 reveal how the Lord
hears earnest prayer for guidance, that the one who prays may have
discernment to recognize the true, beneath-the-surface character of
the person to whom he/she thinks he may link his life. What a pity to
marry someone who looks nice on the outside but who isn't, on the
inside! And Rebekah passes the test beautifully, demonstrating in
vss. 15-20 what a truly unselfish character she is.
Then another principle is made clear in vs. 21, even now
take your time; think; don't rush. Verse 16 states a wonderful truth
that makes for happiness in the marriage yet to come--both Rebekah
and Isaac are virgins when they are married. Verses 32-50 make clear
another element of happiness in marriage: the good will of the
in-laws to be. "Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing
proceedeth from the Lord." They know that the Lord is leading this
young couple. A solid foundation for happiness! Vss. 57, 58 make
clear that the Lord wants the girl to be absolutely free and clear in
her own mind what to do--no coercion of any kind.
Love can never be forced; it must only be won. Vs. 65
tells us something most unusual to this age--Rebekah is modest, even
after she is engaged to Isaac. And then last of all, in vs. 67, and
best of all, we read, "Isaac loved her." Chapter 26:8 gives a
tantalizing glimpse of the lasting love they knew as a married
couple. Memorable marriage indeed! May yours be so!
David and Bathsheba
The Bible tells of one memorable marriage (#4) that was
built on a platform of sin. And yet God blessed it! Perhaps taking a
brief look can encourage some perplexed people who must look back on
a sordid past and wonder if God can ever bless their marriage. Take a
look at the marriage of David and Bathsheba. It was the totally wrong
way to do anything: Bathsheba apparently enticed David; he lusted,
used his position to seduce her (surely, a double sin!); then
murdered her husband in order to cover it up ("Davidgate," now a
triple sin or crime); then brazenly married Bathsheba, as though
nothing had happened. Bad, all the way around. It would be difficult
to make a worse mess. So, "goodbye, God's blessings?" No, there's
still grace.
There's one little smudgeon of goodness left in David. We
read that after the murder of her husband and the rebuke of prophet
Nathan and the death of their baby boy, "David comforted Bathsheba
his wife, and went in to her" (2 Sam 12:24). There was nothing David
could do to make restitution to Uriah her husband, or to her; but he
could have ditched Bathsheba to get her out of his life and go after
someone else and left her to sorrow forever. No, he'd made a bad
bargain, but he remained loyal. He had ruined her marriage by doing
away with her husband, now he chose not to ruin her life by
abandoning her.
I remember reading of wise counsel given by someone who
knew the Lord, about a man who had wrecked several women's lives and
had finally ended up with # so-and-so, and the church members wanted
him to get rid of her and go back to #1. This counselor said that he
had already ruined several women's lives; now don't urge him to ruin
another one's. Let him stay where he was! David and Bathsheba had a
shameful beginning; but they ended up giving Solomon to the world.
That shouldn't encourage us to follow David's sin; it should
encourage us to emulate his repentance.
Hosea and Gomer
Have you ever heard the story of the memorable marriage
(#5) that fell apart because God told the man to marry a bad woman in
the first place? It's in the Bible. God actually told His prophet
Hosea to marry a prostitute (Hosea 3:1). How could such a marriage
not fall apart? And of course the lady Gomer played her husband
false. He was forced to watch her flirt with other men in his
presence. And then the flirting became outright adultery. She had no
excuse, for the record is clear that Hosea was not a bad husband; he
gave Gomer all her heart could wish for. She was just plain
faith-less. "Infidelity" is the word. And there was nothing the
grieving husband could do but wait. The problem was that he actually
loved this woman! In fact, there was no other woman in the world that
could take her place, for him. The modern way is that if your true
love is betrayed, you chuck it and grab someone else. Hosea's heart
was gold, and he was captive to his love for her, the kind of love
that Paul says "never faileth" (1 Cor 13:8). So, what could Hosea do?
Just . . . suffer.
Well, the time came that her lovers inevitably
demonstrated their faith-less-ness, leaving Gomer to end up a
miserable wreck in the slave market (ch. 3:2). Hosea bought her for a
paltry sum, was nice to her, and miracle of miracles, won her love
and helped her find repentance. (I don't know that I've ever seen
such a case in real life.) Before Hosea could "save" a soul, he had
to start from scratch and "build" a soul--to be saved. They finally
walk off the Bible stage hand in hand, in love forever, the memorable
marriage of the ages. And how could Hosea, sinner though he was by
nature, have ever been able so to love a loveless, faithless woman?
He learned how from the God of Israel, who is the same as our Saviour
of the world. Gomer is Israel. And Israel is "we." There is enough in
this story to keep you and me studying, praying, pondering,
repenting, for a lifetime, yes, for eternity.
Joseph and Mary
There is one memorable marriage (#6) in the Bible that no
one seems to talk about: that is the marriage of Joseph and Mary. If
there is a punch line of wisdom in which we can sum up the lessons of
that marriage, it is this: Honor thy stepmother.
Now the Bible says, "Honour thy . . . mother," but not a
word about honoring a stepmother. But that's what Mary was! Matthew
12:46 tells us that Jesus had "brethren," and ch. 13:55 actually
tells us the names of four of the brothers, and adds that Jesus also
had "sisters," but doesn't say how many girls there were. Now the
question arises, were these brothers and sisters children of Mary
herself? Or were they Joseph's children by a previous marriage? Two
quite clear clues are in the Bible: (a) the fact that Jesus'
"brethren" bossed Him around would indicate that they had to be older
than He, for in Jewish families the younger never did that to the
older siblings (John 7:3-5); and (b) when Jesus was dying on His
cross, He did not leave His mother to the care of any of these
"brothers" or "sisters," as He would have done if they were actually
her children (see John 19:26, 27). Therefore the conclusion seems
inescapable: these four boys and these girls were children from
Joseph's previous marriage; he was a widower.
That opens up a wider vista of appreciation for Mary
herself. Being stepmother to such a brood was a terrific job! We know
there was friction and tension in the family, for these siblings "did
not believe in Him," says John; and that would mean also they did not
believe in Mary. Imagine raising at least 6 stepchildren who are not
truly respectful of you and who believe you are an adulteress. But
wait--look how the story turns out: after Jesus' crucifixion, at
least some of those siblings repented, and believed in Jesus. In Acts
1:14 we find "Mary the mother of Jesus with His brethren" gathered in
the upper room with the apostles, praying for the Holy Spirit. And
one of the boys actually became president of the General Conference
(see Acts 15:13). And so I conclude, all honor to Mary as a
stepmother!
The Marriage of Jesus Christ to His Bride
The most memorable marriage (#7) of all time and eternity
will be one that most people have never thought of: the marriage of
Jesus Christ to His Bride. The idea is so strange, that it seems out
of this world. But the Bible tells about it in Revelation 19:6-8:
"The Lord God omnipotent reigneth. Let us be glad and rejoice, and
give honour to Him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and His
wife hath made herself ready." And the Good News is that you and I
are invited to attend the wedding and the marriage feast: "And the
Spirit and the Bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come.
And let him that is athirst come. And whoseover will, let him take
the water of life freely" (22:17). This will be grandest party ever
held anywhere, bar none!
Why should Jesus want to get married? Well, the answer is
clear: He has become a human being, to retain His human nature
forever. He is a man, as well as the Son of God. It is He who created
us male and female and ordained holy marriage as an object lesson to
help us understand His love for His church. No woman on earth could
ever become the Bride of the Son of God; but in a corporate sense,
the entire church becomes His Bride.
Revelation says that this wedding is something that
hasn't happened yet. It must take place just before Jesus can return
the second time as He promised, "I will come again." In other words,
for the church to be ready for the marriage of the Lamb will require
a growing up "unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of
Christ," as Paul says in Ephesians 4:13. That's more than just
getting ready to die and be buried, to await the resurrection: that's
getting ready for translation, as 1 Thessalonians 4:16, 17 says,
"Then we which are alive and remain [after the first
resurrection] will be caught up together with them in the clouds,
to meet the Lord in the air." Now, around the world, God is preparing
that people!
